I'm in the same place. I just left a relationship where my (female) partner was a magnet for male attention. I found myself constantly trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Since then, my husband and I have wanted to open up our relationship more completely--and I'm terrified, 'cause he's a good-looking, confident guy who knows exactly what he wants. I'm jealous, of course, but that's not the problem--I'm afraid he'll be much more successful at dating than me!
Our solution: we've put things on temporary hold while I learn to flirt. Just flirt, so I have a better sense of how often people are attracted to me, and how I'm comfortable responding. It also takes away the pressure of "achieving" sex or a relationship. So far, it's been helping my self-esteem...but it's also scary as hell.
It helps, of course, that neither of us is actively involved with anyone at the moment, so that may not be an option for you. But it might be healthy for you to figure out your style of interacting with women, and see when it works and when it doesn't. It certainly sounds like your style is very different from hers, and that's okay.