Thanks for the advice! All of it was helpful, esp. Red Pepper. Now when I sit down to talk with my lover, I can focus my message and not be wishy washy. I really, really appreciate it.
The funny part is that my ex and I flirted with the poly lifestyle, looking for a man to date to complete a triad. Just when we thought we'd found the right guy, he stopped seeing us because the divorce he was going through turned nasty. He was afraid if his soon-to-be-ex found out about our relationship, she'd use it against him in court. We never found another guy who fit, and soon stopped looking. I guess you could say I'm poly-friendly, but still a mono.