We have had similar experiences with couples, to the point where we kinda just don't bother anymore. Not that we're not open to the idea, it's just that so many of them are... Well, weird or insecure or REALLY open swinger types or or or...
The two that we still associate with still have weird dynamics that don't flow so well, but we still get along with them.
One couple we get along with really well. She's VERY into me, and she's VERY into my girls, and I'm okay with her, and my girls are okay with her, and HE's VERY into my girls - but neither of my girls are into HIM AT ALL, and they don't play separately. So we just hang out sometimes.
Another couple is the exact same story, except she's only moderately into me as well. Both he & I are okay with the girls having their own thing, so maybe that goes somewhere, & she's actually leaving him soon (she has confided in us) and jokes about just moving in with us, but that would be more than a little awkward, and we're not so hot on the idea for obvious reasons.
Our biggest challenge is that while we are somewhat more "open" and "swinger-ish" than a lot of poly groups, the girls are more polygamous-minded and don't easily find interest in other men. ESPECIALLY Violet. They set me up with ladies all the time, but getting them to even have coffee with a guy - even one they like - takes an act of congress. At least when Adrian was here we could say - "See?! SHE plays with other guys, we're not off limits to men!" LOL.