Thread: Struggling
View Single Post
Old 05-03-2011, 04:10 AM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603

Originally Posted by StillaStudent View Post
I guess that's a large part of it. I don't want a new normal. I want my wife back.
You still have your wife. You just don't have her all to yourself all the time. Rather than focusing on what you don't have focus on what you do have. Your relationship with her isn't about her relationship with him.

A few months back our relationship was as good as it's ever been. I'll be the first to admit that I don't have all of the excitement in our relationship we once had. We have a kid that has definately gotten in the way of our relationship and there's no novelty. But I swear, I fall in love with her over again several times throughout my day. I find most women boring and vapid. But my wife excites me and seems to be more attractive to me than the day I first met her.
Kids change things. Spontenaity tends to go out the window (at least for a while). It's just a part of that stage of your life. It's good though that you find her interesting and attractive, that's what's going to get you through the first few years with small children.

So a few months ago she asked to sleep with a mutual friend. After a lot of talking about it I told her it was okay. Our relationship was fantastic and I figured this would be something fun she could do. I'm no dummy and I recognize that I'm not all things to all people. I get attracted to other women too. She and I were sleeping together daily, sometimes more often than that. So I figured this to be a friends with benefits thing. I told her I had a couple of concerns:

That she'd end up seeing him as a boyfriend.
That it'd be awkward (he's also my friend).
That it'd cut into how much sex we're having.
That there'd be secret winks and stuff and inside jokes when they're together I'm out of.
That the sex'd be a regular thing instead of an occasional thing.
It's bad form to have inside jokes and keep someone out of it if you're all together regardless of relationship status. Also I think that hanging out with him is only going to be as awkward as the three of you make it. If you were friends before there's no reason to not carry on. Other than that, why does it matter how much sex they're having? If you're ok with them having sex I don't understand why it matters what the frequency is. Women tend to be able to have lots of sex so her sex life with him really shouldn't impact her sex life with you.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.

Last edited by Derbylicious; 05-03-2011 at 04:14 AM.
Reply With Quote