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Old 05-03-2011, 02:51 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Up a winter mountain hoping NOT to get snowed in...
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Wow! I've just read through the whole thread from start to finish. (I admit that I skimmed pretty briskly over some comments: it's nearly 4:30am and I should have been in bed hours ago.) Bit of a roller coaster! It started out great... hubby and gf are fighting... I can't handle this, we're calling it quits... I'm not happy like this, either, I miss her...

I am so glad that you're all giving it a chance! (and hey: Hi, Pinky! Glad you added to this thread.) Not because poly is right for everyone, but because you all really seem to love each other and it would be a real shame to let old wounds keep you from present and future happiness - even if that happiness needs to be worked at.

Jamee, do you think that you could ask the other 2 to hold you in their arms (at the same time), maybe rock you gently back and forth and croon: "We are NOT your father: we will NOT abandon you. You mean too much to both of us for us to do something stupid like that..."

There are three main reasons for abandonment
a) ceasing to love somebody,
b) continuing to love them, but feeling that you need to be on your own in order to grow,
c) discovering that you've found somebody else to love.

c) If your husband and gf have each found somebody else to love, in both cases it's not somebody that they feel they have to leave you for, in order for them to be together.
b) Well, there's all the potential for growth anyone could ask for in making this thing work... and work well.
a) It could happen. It does happen to others all the time. But there's no reason for it to happen because of your polyamorous trango. ("It takes 3 to trango.")

In my opinion, most couples breaking up is either for reason #1: c) or #2: a). And in the case of a), it's often a case of boredom. Polyamory has its own problems... but it ain't boring!

+++

As for your son: you might hint to him that he could feel pretty special and proud for having parents on the cutting edge of exploring new forms of relating...
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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