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Old 05-03-2011, 02:20 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 356
Default I think maybe I'm poly...

Hi everyone,

I've been reading on this forum for about eight months now, and I joined officially two months ago but haven't had time to introduce myself until now.

I still don't really have time--I'm in grad school, work as a freelance writer, teach writing, and also have a weekend job at a museum. Plus I'm involved with theater, have lots of nerdy/geeky interests, and a dog who demands constant exercise.

I'm procrastinating about a graduate project right now!

I'm 29 (almost 30! big party this summer!). I'm female and straight. I live in the Northeast of the U.S.

My situation...well, I guess there's a long version, which I will post under "New to Polyamory" (eventually), where I can discuss my specific issues & get advice.

The short version is: I've been slowly figuring out that I don't believe in monogamy (for myself, I mean--whatever other people do is none of my business). I'm not really sure yet what form of non-monogamy would be right for me. I'm trying to figure that out.

I'm not dating anyone at all right now. I don't want to start dating again until I figure out how to describe myself and what I want.

I'm recovering from the most devastating experience of my life, which resulted in me having a 6-month emotional collapse/depression last year (2010). Basically, I had a completely failed attempt at non-monogamy, and lost my best friend in the world (my ex-boyfriend, with whom I was attempting to have a non-monogamous relationship of some sort). Anyway, this story goes in the "long version," which I'll post later elsewhere.

I've been struggling to find a support network of sympathetic peers. (The mutual friends I shared with my ex all stopped speaking to me, even though they don't know anything about the situation).

I'm on a journey of trying to figure out if the label "poly" fits me. More on that later, too.

I've read up on poly stuff, joined some poly groups, met some poly people, and am liking what I've learned so far.

As for what I want in terms of dating/relationships...well, I want to be independent and continue to live alone. I don't want kids. Most of my energy goes into my writing, and I like it that way.

I've never felt like "coupledom" was quite right for me. I want to explore my sexuality. I don't want to be with just one man forever. I'm not particularly interested in falling in love, but my sexual partners are always good friends.

That kind of sounds like I want to stay single and just date around...which is why I'm hesitating about the label "poly."

But I don't feel like this is a phase, I feel like this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. And I want to be responsible, honest, mature, compassionate and open about what I'm doing, whether it's "dating around" or having one primary partner while exploring more casual relationships on the side, or having three or four secondary-type partners but no primary.

And most of all, I want friends that I can talk to about this!

I just feel sort of lost.
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