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Old 05-03-2011, 01:19 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Smack in the middle of The Spanish Revolution!
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All opinions that I express here are based on the premise that we can take your version of events to be true. (I write this because I'm a big believer in hearing all sides to any story. It doesn't mean that I doubt your word, but NONE of us are capable of being completely objective, and it would be holistic to read B and E's - and K's - take on what happened and why.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
Unfortunately, E and I had a somewhat messy breakup a little over a month ago.

To complicate matters, over the years Iíve been attracted to several of these people, but only one ever returned the flirtations, and that was a no-go because I was monogamous at the time. We agreed to remain friends. Ironically, heís now Eís primary, and was the one who set E and I up to begin with. Heís also told me directly that heís uncomfortable remaining friends with me in light of the breakup (but at least he was polite and honest about it).

Iím heartbroken over the breakup
Do you mean the break-up with E, or the one with that "only one [who] ever returned the flirtations" [whom I'll refer to here as "B"]? If the former, I'll get back to that after a few more quotes:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
Iím not unattractive, but I could spend six weeks in a bar wearing nothing but lingerie and even the bartender wouldnít offer me a drink.
I had to laugh at this one! I'm sure it's not true. But - on the unlikely chance that it is - I recommend that you hire (or buy: it's well worth watching again and again) the DVD (NOT the VHS version which cut the best [in my opinion] part of the film [the opening monologue by Jumper]) of Scorchers by writer/director David Beaird and pay attention to the character Talbot... before AND after she talks with Thais. (Highly under-rated film - tied #1 of my favourites.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
[B]First, [E]'s ability to garner male attention was astounding. Much of the time, she expressed no attraction toward these men, or even a bit of disgust, but would still cultivate their interest. The problem was, she seemed utterly unaware of others' feelings, and treated sex as something entirely meaningless.
[...]
Perhaps more significantly, I was realizing that I wasn't over my feelings for [B...] I realized I missed him very much, and that I was still attracted to him.

I told [E] this, of course. She became profoundly upset over it. She asked what my ideal outcome to the situation would be, and I told her, quite simply, that I wanted to be involved with both of them. She replied "Yeah, that's definitely not going to work."

Then, a few months later, [... E] was going into explicit detail about the depth of [B] and [K]'s involvement, and the intensity of feelings he had expressed for her, and I just wanted to leave. I couldn't listen any more. Finally, she was ending an explanation of the situation, and said "anyway, she really, really likes him, so I guess that's that." I snapped, "I really, really liked him too, you know." She just stared at me like I didn't get it, and said, "Well...sorry."
OK, that last quote was from another of your blogs, and brings me back to the first quote I use in this comment:

a) If it's B that you're "heartbroken over the breakup" with, I can well understand that, but frankly he seems to have been willing to give you up with just a whimper... Which makes him a wimp and totally undeserving of you.

b) "Unfortunately, E and I had a somewhat messy breakup" Frankly (and going by your version of the situation on these 2 blogs) I don't think that it's unfortunate at all. I think that you're well shot of her. First she seemed to treat you with disdain. Then - once she knew that you were interested in her - she seems (to me) to have decided to add your scalp to her collection. She seems (again - from your account) to be a predator, with little regard for the feelings of others, as long as she's having a great time.

c) I agree with others who have advised not jumping to the conclusion that mutual friends don't value your friendship. But (after honest communication) if they do turn out to be willing to drop you like a used tissue because of loyalty to E (or wanting to retain her sexual favours) [and this applies to B, as well]... walk away with your head up high and NO regrets, because "friends" like that ain't worth having.

d) Your husband - on the other hand - sounds like a winner!
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If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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