As a matter of fact, that was a very helpful post. Thank you LovingRadiance
I still don't know my position on the matter, but it seems like we all have to find what we are comfortable with. Some people may be polyamorous by nature, most of us may be monoamorous by nature. Maybe there is also an in between. Maybe I can find comfort in a monogamous relationship, and maybe Mary can find comfort in a polyamorous relationship, if we set the right boundaries.
While I think I could be comfortable in any kind of poly relationship, I think the one the resonates most strongly with me is where the entire relationship is treated as one cohesive unit, which is supported by the individual relationships within it rather than supporting them. I guess what I mean is, I could see myself in a relationship with 2 other people, if both of them also were comfortable and wanted a relationship with each other. If a girl I was involved with wanted to bring a guy into a relationship, for example, I would really feel most comfortable if it was a guy I could see myself loving as well (although I am 99% not sexually attracted to men, I would definitely think myself capable of expressing affection and love with them in nonsexual ways -- if it was one of the rare men I would even consider some limited sexual relationship with possible then even better). Similarly, if I was in a relationship, I would feel most comfortable bringing another girl into it if my current partner(s) also felt the same way about them.
So I'm hoping I can offer the following concession: I would be willing to get back with Mary in for all intensive purposes a monogamous relationship with a couple caveats: if either of us meet someone we believe we would both be capable of experiencing love with we discuss the interest amongst ourselves first. After both of us have come into contact with the person of interest we could consider dating them individually or as a couple if we are both interested in that person. Otherwise, neither of us will act on any interest in anyone else outside the relationship at any point.
Does this sound reasonable? Does this sound like the kind of thing a primarily monogamous person would be capable of? Obviously I will have to ask her this, but it seems to me that it's a fair agreement on my part because if she is not also interested in whoever I'm interested, all she has to do is tell me and I won't pursue them.