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Old 05-02-2011, 02:16 PM
Serena Serena is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
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MorningTwilight...I very much relate. I felt in my heart I was poly for years. My former husband, however, was the one who proposed we consider it together. I would never have approached him with the idea because at the time, I felt I may hurt him. But when he did, I was elated, a possibility Serendipity suggested (and Serendipity, I'd decided coming out to my husband wasn't worth losing him, so I didn't - then he did!!). It was the best thing that could have happened.

We shared two beautiful years growing with other parnters as well as in our own partnership. Over time, our partners became "co-partners." I myself found this a challenge, and for unrelated reasons, my husband and I decided to seperate. I felt a sense of relief from the heaviness of two equal partnerships. There may have been better ways to manage it, but I'm not sure I would choose it again. My current primary partner and I have agreed on this point. That's just my experience.

I just wanted to tell you you're not alone, and that guilt will get you no where. It's based on an outdated notion that anything other than traditional monogamy should be condemned...don't condemn yourself. Embracing your own heart is so important to being clear with yourself and your partner.

That said, when I began "coming out" to friends and family, it wasn't easy. It definitely taught me more about myself, however, and helped me clarify how I view things because I was bombarded with so many questions (and judgements).

Now, those close to me know who I am and support me. My current primary partner is amazing and understanding, and we are building a life based on honesty and compassion. I am still very close with my former husband, and now know that I will never have to hide in guilt again. It's incredibly liberating.

Best of luck to you, the polyfriendly therapist is a great choice!!! Congrats Serendipity on your anniversary <3
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