In my intro I had said that Dungeon (now to be called "D"- sounds less melodramatic and easier to type...) was my primary. Now I'm realizing that he's not, simply because it seems to me from reading on here that a primary is sort of more of a committed relationship. Not to split hairs about labels, but I have made it clear to D that although I love him, I am *not* in love with him, and that right now my freedom comes first for many reasons. He has tried to place boundaries and limitations on my experimenting with others, such as my FWB "C". I politely told D that although I know it's painful for him to think about me being with C, I can't not experiment and do what I want, and I have not been totally inconsiderate to his needs to know what is going on, when, to postpone, etc. If I were in a committed poly relationship with D, certainly I would slow my roll and make sure that D was truly ok with me swinging (although currently he sometimes likes the idea of my being with C as it fuels a huge cuckolding fantasy for him, and gives me more material as his Mistress). However, I just got out of an 11 year relationship (married for 6 of those years) which left me sexually frustrated and neglected, so I am determined to be a free agent for now. The situation is very painful for D and I do feel badly for him, but I don't feel selfish because this is not a poly relationship as far as I am concerned, and I am always very clear with him. If nothing else D is learning a lot from me about taking responsibility for his own emotions, and I am learning a lot from him about everything, it seems. I do appreciate him for being open minded enough to hang in with me while I experiment, but it bothers me when he says "just put yourself in my shoes....". It seems like apples and oranges. I'm not in his shoes, because I am not a mono trying to cope with a possible poly. I don't know, I feel that I'm being harsh in this post, but I needed to vent a bit.