Thread: Double standard
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Old 05-01-2011, 06:55 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I left a word out of my post. It should have read: "you might have some sort of sense of ownership or possessiveness..."

Perhaps this is a case of people interpreting words differently. I did not mean to imply that this was a bad thing, either. I mean, we're all possessive about some things and, it might not be a possessiveness about M as a person but about the OP's place (position) in her life. I suggested that as simply a possibility to look at. It seems the OP feels somehow threatened more by M's paramours than by those of his other loves, and so in some way his relationship with M is set apart from his others, significant in some way. It could be a possessiveness, or a feeling that he should come first, be considered first, etc.

It is also possible that the fear is based on a protectiveness about not wanting to see her get hurt. Fear of being abandonment is a big one, but that I think is also very much entwined in possessive feelings.

Either way, I think it would be good to ask himself, what it is about that relationship that makes her other involvements more anxiety-provoking? Something being taken away? Some feeling of loss of control? A possibility of being replaced by one of her other lovers?

Does this situation remind you of old doubts, fears, insecurities which you are just projecting onto this relationship? It is possible the struggles you go through have nothing to do with M in the present, but could be the result of old patterns of behaving and relating from the past, that you carry into relationships. We all do this from time to time.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2011 at 06:59 PM.
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