Thread: Double standard
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Old 05-01-2011, 06:25 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
It sounds to me like you have some sort of sense of ownership or possessiveness with M that you don't have with the other women in your life.
I actually don't know if this is entirely true. It could be, but perhaps not. I suffer from what you are talking about islandgy9 and it has nothing to do with ownership and possessiveness. I don't know if you are like me or not, but let me explain and you can tell me. I have huge abandonment issues that I find I have little to no release from in some of my relationships where my partner has other loves or starts dating new people. I am beside myself with anxiety, can't eat, lash out, everyone around me becomes a target. It isn't fair, I hate myself, I hate what I say, that I have no control and that I can't feel compersion for them as much as I try. It's completely irrational.

No offense here NYCindie but I was told that I am possessive and have a sense of ownership and that just made me more angry and hurt. I didn't. I didn't feel I owned anyone or was possessive, just deeply hurt on a level that went far beyond the moment and situation.... I like to flip ownership and possessiveness on its ass and look at it with compassion and consideration for the person acting that way (not that you weren't NYC! you were! I see that). It is a behaviour that comes from somewhere. There always seems to be something behind it that is not identified when someone is told they are being possessive and taking ownership.

I wish I had an answer for you that is more specific, but really all I did and do is keep walking through it. I see it as a form of jealousy and to me jealousy is a fear of the unknown and an indication of deeper issues. I work on the issues and ask my partners to give me tons of attention and reminders that they are not going anywhere... what made it difficult for me is that one of my partners sucks at this. He gets completely overwhelmed by NRE and is not a mulit-tasker. He neglects just about everything in his life when he is in love... which, in turn, makes me feel more abandoned than ever. Keep talking, keep walking and maybe get some help with the deeper issues that come up. If you scratch beneath the surface and see what's there, what do you find? (you don't have to answer that here, but it is a possible question to ask yourself)
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