Thank you all for the thoughtful responses!
The weekend didn't happen. She had been unemployed when it was planned, and then got a job, but had told them about the time needed when she was hired, and then they still scheduled her for two of the days.
She has two little kidlets and the job is super important.
I really felt bad, both because I know hubs was looking forward to it, but also because she's had a couple of years where she's doing a lot of struggling, and doing that dance you do when you have kids and need to get settled, but it doesn't quite happen. I've been there.. it's not pretty. So I know she really needed the time to be cared for and not think. They're going to try to reschedule, but we'll see.
I think, really, I'm doing everything I can. I'm building my own life, setting up my own thing when he's busy, scheduling time just with him. I might have to just accept that my partially obsessive personality will NEVER be able to just not think about it. Or maybe, after time, it will. But either way, I feel good knowing I'm taking the steps I need, looking out for myself and keeping tuned in to what's going on. Nothing more I can do than that!!
On the good side, the convention I'm at this weekend is blowing my mind with all of the interesting, cool, wonderful things that are involved in Sex Therapy. And at the end I went to a meeting of the AltSex Special Interest Group and we had a great talk about needing more general education of therapist/counselors/educators about alternative lifestyles including BDSM and polyamory. So I'm about to delve in and get involved in helping develop a few workshops to submit for next year's conference.