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Old 04-29-2011, 10:26 PM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by Altea View Post
At first he agreed. But a few hours later he came to me and said that it is stupid that I agree to polyamory and swinging but not to an open raletionship. Ha said that it hurts his freedom and that he hopes that I will change my opinions couse other way he will have to dump me.
And again I felt lost and alone and confused. Cause I know I'm not ready to give him now all the freedom he wants but I realy, realy want to give him what he wants in the future (except this one thing that I don't want him to be dating people I heve myself never ever met or people I get along very bad), but I just need his help to gain each others trust again, and that's something he just won't understad and what he is afraid of
[I've also read your first thread, and] I'm afraid that I agree with Mono and SourGirl: this bf of yours seems to be manipulating you - trying to make you feel guilty for
a) his ex-girlfriend's jealousy and for her decision to walk out on him (and you).
b) your asking him for quite reasonable things. (He tries to persuade you that what you're asking for isn't reasonable.)
c) the relationship not working.

He seems so negative about everything that I'm not sure that you'll have a healthy relationship. (Unless he starts to get positive and also to work on his problems instead of believing them to be your problems.) You're willing to make compromises, agree to polyamory or swinging (or a bit of both), whichever he's happiest with... and he says that he sees you as his enemy, and "when he was angry he started shouting at me that he will go and have sex with other girls" (i.e. use the threat of having sex with others as a way to punish you)???!!!

Sharing the same hobbies and religion isn't enough. If he doesn't learn to respect you, you're going to have a tough ride ALL the way. Every time something goes wrong, it'll be your fault.

This sentence - from your first post - scares me:
He always talked abot how much he wants sex with girls who wanted him but hated me, and said they have the right to hate me but I don't have the right to hate them, and he also said he can have sex with whomever he wants to even if that means that I will suffer or be laughed at by those girls.
but maybe I'm not understanding what you (or he) mean. Does this mean that there are certain girls that he wants sex with and that he's not going to stop wanting that just because they hate you? Or does it means that - for him - it's an added attraction that the girls want him but hate you?

If the second is true, it means that he wants you to "suffer or be laughed at by those girls". In that case, if I were you, I would walk away and not look back.

Believe me, it's easier to find somebody who loves you than to turn somebody who hates and disrespects you into somebody who loves you.
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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