Tonight is the night that J has her first date with another man. Although I'm anxious , nervous, and still trying to come to terms with this new phase of our relationship, she has been very supportive and kind. A part of me that hid in dark ignorance, against all my self defense mechanisms, has been ushered into the light. It is still reeling and fighting the brilliance of the illuminating revelations. This child that lived in the naivety is fearful and hysterical at the thought of not being thecenter of J's universe. He cries out at the illogical notion of being alone and having to depend on himself for happiness and identification. I am doing my best to settle this child , me, down. If not for my small support system I don't know if I could do it.
I know you don't hold much hope for tonight's date my love but my wish is that you are pleasantly surprised and find the beginnings of a special bond and the experience you seek. I hope he makes you feel special and makes you laugh. I hope he is edgy and makes your heart flutter as you do mine.14 yrs later you still give me butterflies and make my life exciting. Thank you my sun and moon, for helping lead me out of ignorance and loving me. My heart rests in your hands as always.