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Old 04-28-2011, 05:52 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,985
Default Trust

Originally Posted by MorningTwilight View Post
Even as she says that, she says she's not sure she can ever completely trust me again
MT, Beloved and I broke up for almost two years. When we broke up, even though it was a mutual decision, my world collapsed. I could not figure out what or why it had happened, even though there was an obvious reason - she wanted children and I did not. I thought we were happy, and then we weren't? What else was going on that I missed?

Nothing made sense to me. I didn't trust her because I did not trust myself anymore. Our breakup destroyed my sense of self, who I was, what I understood to be my 'place' in the world, how I understood everything around me, how I understood my self to be. It is one of the most painful, most disorienting experiences of my life.

Your wife probably has had a very similar experience. I bet nothing makes sense to her. You don't make sense to her. She thought she knew you intimately. She thought she knew what marriage was, what your marriage was specifically. Now she doesn't.

She may be saying she does not trust you in part because nothing in her world makes sense anymore. I know I did not trust Beloved because my foundation was gone. Your wife may be in a similar place.

Beloved and I did get back together - it was really hard. I had to rebuild my sense of self and sense of what the world is and how I live in it. But we did it and while we still are challenged by all kinds of things (distance, managing poly, money), we are happy together.
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