Thanks Derby! The military thing does make it harder because you're already so far away! And it doesn't help that he did two deployments in two years and was on shore duty (for a whole 8 months) when they pulled him for an IA for 7 months.
It's funny because when he does see his amours it's usually for a weekend, because it usually involves travel. I've told him I think that it would probably affect me hardly at all if it was just an evening or overnight even! But it can be hard to juggle the emotional detritus for 3 whole days!
I'm glad I'm seeing the counselor (who is poly-friendly) because I'm thinking (in my soon-to be counselor point of view) that I probably just need to do some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) with myself and retrain my brain a bit.
I'm glad it's not just me, though. I tend to head into the "all things I do not like about myself are defects that only I have" view if I'm not being careful!