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Old 04-28-2011, 03:36 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by BFTrick View Post
I am starting to believe that significant others are just really good friends. I don't think there is any special magic that makes a girlfriend any different than a girl you are friends with. That extra connection you feel towards your girlfriend is something you create and it is based on whatever makes you like people.
In my world you can't dissect a relationship like that. romantic relationships are combinations of each type of relationship. One single aspect doesn't make a significant other.

Friendship, lust, crushing, intellectual interest, romantic interest all make up the people I "love".

The reason I explain it like that is because I have seen relationships last a long time where they had everything but friendship. It happens. Relationships can be built on many foundations. As long as that foundation is strong, everything else is fine.

I have been single for about 7 months and I am feeling great after getting out of a not so good relationship. There is a girl (we can call her M) that I have been friends with for years and I like her but I don't want to get into a relationship. I want to build a connection with her but I don't want to put any pressures on her or visa versa. This girl goes to university 3 hours away and I want her to feel free to date other people and generally do whatever she wants. When we do see each other I want to express how I feel about her but I don't want her to be tied down.

I let M know that I like her and we decided that not putting a label on us is the best place for us to start. We both like each other and I think we want to see where it goes before attaching any labels. But we haven't really talked about being poly. It is on my facebook page but we never talked about it. And I feel that I owe it to her to talk about it even though we are still just friends. I am of course scared to do so because I feel all warm and bubbly for the first time in many months I don't want to scare her away. It is worth mentioning that even though we are officially just friends we have kissed and have expressed some intimate thoughts and emotions.

To make things more confusing there is another girl in this story (we can call her K) that wants to be physical with me. I don't want to be anything with K but I wouldn't mind some playful sex. Despite the fact that M & I aren't a couple I still want to tell her. I feel that it is the right thing to do.
Isn't this just dating? Remove the poly from the picture and date the girls. You may not even be poly. You might find yourself more involved with one more than the other and it naturally takes care of itself.

I know polyamory is all about being open and honest but when is the best time to tell M? How do I bring this up? Would it be easier to not talk about K (and obviously not have sex with her) until after M & I have talked about poly and sorted through it?
Poly is about loving more than one. Being open and honest is a good foundation for a relationship. But it isn't required. If you want the relationships to work at all, it sure helps though. You can't .. or its very hard... to build relationships on a foundation of lies.

Poly is like jenga. Build up the foundation, don't remove the pieces you need and you can keep adding on. If you find a piece being remove (lying, cheating etc)... your world might just topple around you.

My last thought bugs me the most. How do I know if I'm poly?
When you love 2 or more people at once... thats when you know.
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