There's one more thing I want to say, in relation to the children. Keep in mind that the interaction between you and your wife is what your children will see as the model for relationships between adults. At the moment, according to what you've written, what they're seeing is very unhealthy. One partner behaving without regard or respect for the other, while the injured party basically just bleeds out. Boundaries overun heedlessly without consequence. Your children may not know all the details, but they see that you are hurting and your wife isn't helping you.
Is that what you want them to think is acceptable? If it's not, you need to model healthier behavior.