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Old 04-27-2011, 11:48 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
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I think it's great that you've been honest with her. As for her telling you she'd leave and take your child, if he's in his early teens he already has the legal right to make that decision of who he wants to live with and she's not allowed to make it for him.
Well, it depends where you live. I'd check on that, but where I'm from it starts at 13, which is the earliest teen there is.

Otherwise, her "if you are going to be poly I'm going to leave you" in itself isn't blackmail. It's honest, just like "If I'm not allowed to be poly with your consent, I'll probably cheat without it instead" isn't blackmail but honest.

If you can't live without poly and she can't live with it, breaking up makes perfect sense to me. Of course in your case there is a child to think about, who hasn't asked for any of this, and it's very sad that it's turning out to be that way.

Personally I think that being honest is the best you can do. You cannot control your feelings and you have controlled your actions, which is the most you can do. You have told her about the way she felt, and what did you expect her to do? She was given the option to either stay with who you are or leave who you are, and it seems divorce is what she wants between the two.

If she doesn't want affection anymore and she doesn't tell you she loves you and doesn't want to say it either, it seems to me she's made her decision. You can try and make things better, but with what you know (that you aren't fundamentally compatible) is that really the best option? Wouldn't it just drag on a relationship that wouldn't work anyways?

I don't know, it seems that people are often on the side of "make the relationship keep going!" even when it seems that it would hurt everyone involved. In this case, your wife, you and your son. I'm certainly not in that case. I think some things can be worked around and compromised around, and polyamory sometimes is one of them, but right now only you are willing to compromise and meet her halfway, and she's going "walk the other half, sucker!" so I fail to see how it could get anywhere at all.
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