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Old 09-29-2009, 08:27 AM
live4themusic live4themusic is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 13
Default My belief in polyamory may have destroyed the best relationship i have ever had.

I am coming here for help because I am pretty distraught over this situation. I have been seeing this girl (for the sake of this post, I will call her Mary) for about 5 months. I love her very much, and I believe she loves me as well.

We just started seeing a relationship counselor 2 weeks ago, because of our fighting and our relationship issues. The reason she gave me for not being able to remain in a relationship with me is the possibility that I might want to see other girls (which we talked about in the last appointment).

I have never cheated on her, or even expressed any interest in another girl as long as I have been with Mary. I did sleep with another girl while I was out of town within a month of dating, when it was still an open relationship. We broke up for a day, and I told her I would be willing to commit to not having sex with anyone else unless she was comfortable with the situation and I had her approval, and also, it was within the context of a romantic interest.

I haven't had any prospects in anyone I would be even interested in casually dating since then. In fact, it's extremely rare for me to connect with anyone the way I do with her. Rare as in, I've really only been in 2 other semi-serious relationships, and neither of those seemed as mature to me as my relationship with Mary has. I have a lot of points of compatibility that are important to me that are rare for anyone to meet.

Nevertheless, I have a hard time deciding that I could close myself off to the possibility of loving someone else just because I love Mary. I've told her this has nothing to do with her, that it's just the way I believe in relationships. She has told me she's not comfortable with this and we broke up today because of it.

I am having a really hard time accepting this situation. Should I compromise my beliefs in polyamorous potential in order to mend my relationship with Mary, or would that just be setting us up for disaster down the line? Should I just get over her and hope that I might one day meet someone else I could love as much as I love her (which at this point seems kind of hopeless to me)?

Please help me out because I don't know anyone who shares my beliefs in polyamory, and it seems like everyone my age in my part of the world is just really immature as far as relationships and emotions are concerned.
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