She said to me that she was trying to protect my feelings. I don't quite believe this is true. I think she was protecting herself because she was not transparent with her motives prior to going to the other guys house. She knew how I felt going up there, she just chose to ignore it.
I kept and keep telling her I need to feel secure before things with her other man can progress. I never quite understood until today that more than likely, the reason I'm hung up on this one incident is because she was dishonest with me. Withholding the truth seems to be along the lines of deception just like neglect is as much abuse as its more direct mechanisms.
She suggested that we see a counselor around our relationship. I have benefits that will allow me and her to visit some couples counselor six times for free. I spoke to three different ones in the area and only two seem to have worked with poly couples.
I'm not perfect by any means, I have to say that this whole situation has brought out a pretty ugly part of myself. My blood was on fire it seemed when I found out, from the other guys girlfriend. I would say I was angry, but really I was full of rage. However, I did calm down and but my anger channels into words and is not conducive to any sort of communication.
When we try to talk out things, I can't bring up my feelings around this one incident as she says she understands I'm hurt, but she doesn't feel she did anything wrong. I guess I hope that talking in a moderated environment might help address this situation or at least allow me to be heard by her without having her run away or shut me out. I think my hang is that she hasn't taken responsibility for her actions.
Thank you for the feedback, sadly it was not what I wanted to hear, but then again, I'm not sure I was looking for any specific answer. After all, this movie, that I seem to play a main role in, is not directed by me. I also think one of the topics below is talking about this exact situation, just from the perspective of the other relationship.
Last edited by Bowvine; 09-29-2009 at 07:45 AM.