Hey, everyone! I'm currently in kind of an awkward situation, and any help would be appreciated.
I've been in a relationship for the last two and a half years with my boyfriend who treats me so well. I love him and we're really loyal to each other. He's my best friend and my love, and it's really great.
We've known each other for even longer than that, because we were good friends for a while first.
I know I've faced ageism before, and I'm somewhat worried about talking about my age because I don't know if any age is percieved 'too young' or inexperienced for polyamory, but I'm 18 years old and my boyfriend is soon to be 18.
Above all, we are determined to preserve our close-knit relationship, both as friends and romantically. But we've become more liberal over time. We've had some threesomes with friends and such, and that's been cool. No issues with that at all.
And since we're so young and we're each other's first relationship, I've been wondering about our lack of experience with the world. I believe it is possible to be in love with multiple at the same time and make it work. I think that our best bet is to date other people while still staying together, but I think it's going to be difficult to find dates while still in a relationship...it seems like a lot of people wouldn't go for that.
In any case, we determined that we were going to be in an open relationship. I have a good friend of mine that I have had a huge crush on for quite a while, and at the same time my boyfriend told me about a girl he was interested in. For a while, this was okay. We didn't really end up going on any dates, but the more that I thought about it, the more I worried about losing my boyfriend to someone else. I feel like I'll compare myself to anyone else he would be dating at the same time, and I already have done this with the girl he is interested in right now. I'm jealous, but I really don't want to be. I don't know what to do.
I know my own feelings for this other guy that I'm friends with are strong, and I'm fairly certain that he's interested in me, too. My feelings are certainly not as strong as my feelings for my boyfriend, but still. I think about how I feel when I'm with this other guy and I logically want my boyfriend to be able to have the same experience, if it makes him happy. It makes so much sense, logically. And yet, I feel so jealous when it comes down to specific girls and things like that. I hate it. I don't want to be unfair, but I don't know how to change my thinking. He reassures me that he loves me so much, and I know that he does.
Maybe I'm just scared that he'll find someone with whom he's more compatible and he won't be interested in me anymore. I feel like such a hypocrite.
I'm not sure what to do. He understands that I'm trying my best to not be jealous and says that if we want to wait to be in an open relationship or a polyamorous relationship until our own relationship is more stable (we're still living with our parents and such, unfortunately), he understands and we can be monogamous. He's being very supportive and flexible with me, and I appreciate it. I'm just not sure what to do.
Please help? It would be so much appreciated.