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Old 04-27-2011, 12:09 PM
BFTrick BFTrick is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MorningTwilight View Post
M will be very hurt if you sleep with K and only tell her after the fact, I suspect. Society has conditioned us all to think that, by default, we pursue with the goal of exclusivity. If you desire to be poly, then, yes, I believe the honorable course of action is to tell M about that, first, before sleeping with K. Tell M about K, and tell K about M (and have the poly talk with K, too). Make it clear to K that you just want an FWB arrangement. You may end up not getting together with either of them as the result of being honest, but you will at least avoid severe hurt feelings later on, and you will have a clean conscience. You can't buy that.
*Sigh* I think I already knew the answer I just needed someone else to say it. The right course of action is being fully honest and upfront about the issues with both ladies. I will probably see M this weekend so I hope to have a (positive) update.


Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
Most of the people I know are poly in one way or another. Most of the people I know, many of them in long term mono relationships have developed deep intimate connections with other people other than their primary love. In some ways, many people are poly by nature, but not by practice. Many of those people have had affairs, or have not done so.....and have experienced the pain of letting someone they love go because of it.

Sometimes there can be various levels of denial about those connections...or what they mean. Or people can, and rightly so - choose not to pursue others they feel connected with.
This is my current belief. I think that everyone is poly to some degree. But these people just choose not to cultivate new relationships with people. Or they do it in secret.

I have a male friend that I have become really close friends with and we have shared some intimate moments together. Nothing sexual just really intense personal feelings and if he was a girl I could see pursuing a physically intimate relationship. The weird thing (and this goes back to my first point) is that I feel close to him and other than a lack of sexual attraction I would totally 'date' him. So I just feel that being poly is just about letting yourself feel the way you feel and express your feelings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
In someways, a more important question can be "Do I want to be poly, do I have the skills and capacity to be poly, and could that be fulfilling for me, could I fulfill others that way?"
This is a good question because it is so difficult. I feel that being poly is that natural thing but in our society it certainly isn't the easy thing. Sadly I do enough other weird things that make me hard to date so I don't know if I can add being poly to my list of unusual things (vegetarian, yoga, painting toy soldiers, crazy sex stuff, etc). I imagine that people already in the poly community are pretty accepting of weird hobbies but it doesn't seem like the mainstream society is accepting of the weird hobbies. On a side note I am amazed how many people think it is weird for a guy to be interested in vegetarianism and yoga.
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