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Old 04-27-2011, 01:19 AM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718
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I know that your questions are rhetorical, but I want to answer them anyway
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Originally Posted by sage View Post
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YES!!! Why do people assume that we're capable of loving 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 3 siblings, and 21 2/3 friends, but incapable of loving more than one lover? Why doesn't it surprise them that I don't get jealous when my friend(s) has/have other friends, but they can't get their heads around the fact that I don't get jealous when my lover(s) has/have other lovers?
sorry MFFR hopeless at extracting quotes.
[...]
-Do you want to rip the clothes off your grandmother when you haven't seen her for a week and kiss and suck every inch of her body?
No, but I don't feel like that with my lover(s) either. I'd probably want to make a pot of herb tea, sit down, and ask how she [my lover] has been (and blather on about what I've been up to). But then, I have always put more emphasis on friendship, cosiness, cuddling, and mutual respect and interest in my love relationships than on the sexual side. [I've long suspected that I have an pathologically low libido.]
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-Have you been more vulnerable with your parents than you have with any other person on the planet?
To tell the truth, I have certainly been more vulnerable with certain children in my life (none of them biologically my children) than I have with any other person on the planet. At times - after being wounded - that has caused me to build a barrier against being so vulnerable again. But I have always ended up realising that I am making my own life much poorer... and tearing down the barrier again.
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-Do you spend the night trying to find your children in your bed when they're away and you're alone in a big empty bed?
If I had children, probably not. But I would miss them if they were sleeping overnight elsewhere - even though I believe that this is a valuable part of a child's growing independence.
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-Do you have your life and your future invested with your siblings and so become uneasy when other friends come into their lives that could change the whole direction of your life.
With my siblings, no. (I'm ecstatic that I live on a different continent than most of them. [I live on a different continent than all of them, but I'm ecstatic only in most cases.]) With friends, I'd admit to a certain uneasiness in that potentially life-changing situation.
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-Do you live through the best and worst of those 21 friends of yours everyday, or are you happy with a snap shot of their lives?
No... and no. I want more than snap shots of my friends' lives.
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-Is your heart so full of love for all these other people that you love in your life - parents, grandparents, friends (kids are in a bit of a different league, especially when small), that you just can't imagine life without them?
I have a pretty vivid imagination - AND I've several times had the experience of losing all contact with some of my dearest friends - so I can imagine that (including in the case of lovers) all too easily.
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That is how a mono feels about the person they love, so it's really difficult for them/us (I don't exactly know what I am), to match up the love they feel for their partner to the love they feel for the other people they love in their life.
I'm no expert here, but I doubt that ALL monos feel like that. This is not a criticism - and I can't remember many details from the book (years since I read it), but it's there on my shelf and I've been noticing the title recently - but have you ever read the book: "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin somebody? Maybe (?) what you're describing isn't a general mono thing (I really wouldn't know) but a fixation/co-dependence thing?

Here's a friendly hug () for you to store away until you're missing Z and need a hug...
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