Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight
I really don't want to jump to any conclusions, but...
Um... I don't want to jump to any conclusions either, but the tone of your post seems to be jumping to a lot of conclusions. Yes, we've talked about all of the things you mentioned. We've talked extensively about many different options. My wife knows under no uncertain terms that she is absolutely free to express her preferences about our relationship--including any interest she might have in having some kind of relationship with another man. At one point I even encouraged her to explore it if she felt at all inclined to do so. Likewise, she has expressed repeatedly, under no uncertain terms, that that is of no interest to her.
It also seems like you're jumping to a lot of conclusions about my/our belief system: that we believe that whoever has the most sex has the "better deal," or that because we're looking into a polygynous family structure we've automatically adopted a "male-breadwinner, female-homemaker" value system. I can assure you that neither of those describes our values, and that gender equality (which does not necessarily prescribe gender identicality) is one of the cornerstones of both our separate and mutual philosophies. I really feel like I shouldn't be having to justify that, though.
As I tried to make clear, our primary interest in this endeavor is family-oriented, rather than sexual. Does having more than one sexual partner appeal to me? Would anyone believe me if I said it didn't? But that's not the motivating factor for us, and we don't even intend that I be sexually intimate with another partner until/unless a real, marital commitment is made. So to answer one question you asked: yes, a lot of it does boil down to a (entirely mutual) belief that a father and two mothers might be the best family structure for us.
I tried to make it clear in my initial post that the interests I was expressing as representative of our marriage were predicated on mutual communication, understanding, and agreement. I'm not sure why what I said led you to conclude that I was being the stereotypical "think-with-the-lower-head" guy, but I'm saying now, explicitly, that that's not our situation. We believe (and my wife would tell you the same), that there is a unique value to the father-and-multiple-mothers family structure that is very appealing to us for a great many reasons. We also understand that it (like ANY relationship) would not be easy, and that is why we are expressing a wish to EXPLORE it, rather than to jump blindly into the thick of things and hope for the best.
I hope that answers your questions