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Old 04-27-2011, 12:20 AM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718
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kazokujin, I'm intrigued about one aspect of your post:
Quote:
Originally Posted by kazokujin View Post
[...] both of us have come [...] to understand that the 2-person nuclear family ideal is just a sham that's been pulled over the eyes of the last few generations. (We both come from very "standard" families that were really hurt and broken by the strains placed upon them in life.)
[...] We're very tentatively trying to get a feel for the ins and outs of poly, and to see if there's room in it (and a partner in it) for us. We'd (eventually) be looking to expand our marriage to a second young woman around our age. We're not particularly religious, so this has nothing to do with that. [...] My wife is not particularly bisexual, but we aren't closed to any possibilities.
Why - if your wife is not particularly bisexual - are you looking to expand [y]our marriage to a second young woman around [y]our age?

Are you planning a V (you having a relationship which each of 2 women who don't have a [romantic/sexual] relationship with each other)? A triad (where each of the 3 is involved romantically/sexually with the other 2) - even though your wife is not particularly bisexual?

Have you [both] contemplated at all that your wife might have a meaningful relationship with another man?

I really don't want to jump to any conclusions, but I think that you might consider the possibility that you [the husband] are being a teensy bit self-centred here. It's a fantasy of many non-poly men to have (with or without their wives' permission) a "woman on the side". It's another common male fantasy to be in bed with 2 women at the same time.

You also write:
Quote:
We'd be looking at it [...] with the intent to become a real family, with kids and everything somewhere in the long-term picture. [...] We're just emphasizing that [...] our interest in this is entirely predicated on family and commitment.
Does this all boil down to meaning that - for the sake of a healthier family than the standard nuclear one - it would be a good idea to have a father and 2 mothers? What about a mother and 2 (loving, caring) fathers? Have a look at the thread "Just LR". LR doesn't pretend that it's all easy - in fact, she's going through a pretty rough patch right now [and if you think that 1 man + 2 women is all going to be super-duper easy-peasy, you'd better get your head out of that cloud] - but she's in a situation where 2 men are playing father to all of her children. And here's something else to look at.

While you're questioning
Quote:
the 2-person nuclear family ideal [as] just a sham that's been pulled over the eyes of the last few generations. (We both come from very "standard" families that were really hurt and broken by the strains placed upon them in life.)
you might consider questioning the shams that
a) men should always get the better deal; and
b) it's the woman's place to look after the children.

As I wrote, I really don't want to jump to any conclusions, and maybe you're already questioning these shams pulled over the eyes of HUNDREDS of generations... but then (again) why - if your wife is not particularly bisexual - are you looking to expand [y]our marriage to a second young woman around [y]our age?

Think about it... both of you!

p.s. Welcome to the club!
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