First off Vandalin and Fidelia I want to thank you for responding to my post. and yes vandalin I did come up with better names than "that fucker" but I thought they might detract from the point I was trying to make. LOL
this is a trying time to say the least, one of the reasons that I haven't left already is because we have two beautiful children. also because my two previous relationships ended badly, if this relationship was to end I would most likely never have another one again. they would just be too much trouble, especially after a divorce. so I've decided to give it everything I've got, this being my last chance and all.
before posting last night I was doing a lot of research on poly relationships. there are a plethora of different ways to do it, but the one thing they all have in common is that the partners have an agreement. when I came back from california and I was slapped in the face with an open relationship I was angry. I would have agreed to one had I been given the choice, but c'est la vie. I agree with fidelia when she said she would have been gone. that was my first thought, but something said stay and try to work it out, at least for a little.
so I followed my heart and now a month and a half later rationality is returning and i'm making it clear in no uncertain terms that I find what is happenning completely unnacceptable. this is the interesting point. tonight she said that she needs a separate life. HA! well what can you do about that? I explained that if she needs a seperate life then marriage to me isn't for her.
i don't know how she can expect a relationship or marriage to work if your not on the same page. cause if we were I would give her the world. I find that her need to not share information or details with me has caused a great deal of mistrust. I even suggested "a period of monogamy" to see if we could get back on track. i'm the type of husband that if anythings going on I still want to be the priority. that may be selfish but I am so willing to share and forgive (but we can't forget can we) and to move forwward.
just so you know where i'm coming from I feel that love is universal and that we should love everything everywhere. I also understand that you love a rattlesnake from a distance. so as long a someone seems penitent then I can forgive almost any transgression thats just the type of person i've become over the years.
I found that she didn't feel that she could express herself to me. too many secrets are like too many chefs in the kitchen, Ya know? we've really only calmed down enough to start having the true dialogue about 2 weeks ago. i've been crying out of hand during those talks for no SPECIFIC reason. I don't feel that we have a healthy relationship at this time, but I also don't think it can't be saved. i'm gonna put some more time into this just cause I got a whole life ahead of me and would like it to be with her... if possible. we are also seeking counseling just to be safe. if you know of anything in the Philadelphia area please let me know.
you guys are great I was going to just come back and post again if no one had replied. maybe use this as a journal of sorts, but I needed some sage advice and you delivered. thank you from thee bottom of my heart.
last question. do you feel that poly relationships are more of the sharing kind? by that, I mean to say the type where partners share information with each other freely. and have you ever seen a poly relationship that was the opposite and successful?
once again i am so apreciative for all that you've given me even if it doesn't seem like a lot to you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.