Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
Sorry you are going through this. I agree with everyone who has posted so far that this woman doesn't sound a very healthy individual.
A good precaution, but not really enough - she might have other partners she's bare-backing with at the moment.
Whose to say she does not get pregnant (carelessness or not so) and draw you and your hubby into a long and nasty paternity mess, regardless of who the real father is?
I am also worried about the small children. They will most likely get attached to your husband in one way or another. Either she gets a sitter and they only meet in motels and so, or hubs better be pretty darn sure he can handle it.
Apparently, she only wants something not serious and does not want to introduce him to her kids. Since neither of us have opened our relationship up to separate lovers and relationships, we decided we both want a no strings attached relationship with our other partners until we decide if we can handle another serious relationship outside of our own. Something casual and fun.
Pretty much he says he wants someone to go do things with and have a friendship and sex with outside of our relationship to experience something new. He said if she asked him to spend the night or wanted to introduce the kids to him, he would tell her that's getting too serious and might cut it off. He's not ready to be a father and doesn't want to confuse her kids and has no desire to make them a part of his life.
She only wants to meet him at night around 10pm or so after her kids are asleep and maybe on a Saturday or Sunday of she can get a babysitter. Her parents sometimes will take the kids for the day so she can go out and do something. So 1 night a week and he's not going to spend the night and 1 weekend day whenever she can get a sitter is the plan at the moment. I work on Saturdays and Sundays when he has off, so it would be perfect to take a weekend day.
When I asked him where they would be meeting for their time together in the future, he said they hadn't discussed that yet. I'm thinking that best left for the initial meeting, lol. He joked and said "Our place". I said, "Haha, very funny. Only if I'm allowed to join" and that perked his eyes up.
I'm on the fence about her for a few reasons. I don't agree with her past decisions, but I think I can understand if she was in love and the married man was leading her on to believe he was truly leaving his wife for her and then tried to get her to move in despite the bad air between her and the wife, how she could have been blinded and made bad decisions based on her love for him. However, she insists she wants nothing serious..has no desire to introduce her kids to him or have him do anything with her and the kids together, she might not be that bad.
He wants something casual, she said she does so it seems maybe they have a common goal. Neither of them has a lot of free time to do this and create a serious relationship and she's got her hands full with 3 kids already. She says one day she wants more but not for a while.
Being that part of my jealousy issues was now having to give up time with him so they can be together, 1 or 2 times a week isn't that bad. He said to me "I thought she might be perfect because she doesn't want anything serious and there's no way I'd leave you for a woman with 3 kids. She's not looking to fall in love, I think she just is a little lonely wants someone to spend some time with, without her kids around." He's right, I think she is looking for some sort of an escape and fun, and I'm OK with that. I think we all need that every once in a while, to change up the routine and experience something new.
He's going to take every precaution he can and she does not get child support for her kids from the father of them. She gave him the option, be with me and your kids, or leave me and them alone. Never saw him since and hasn't gone after him for child support, so that's a discussion I want to have with her when I talk to her or meet to have her come to an agreement that she will never go after my bf should something like that happen.