Hullo and welcome!
Originally Posted by toralatigra
Never having been in a poly relationship, I am unsure what to expect as a secondary relationship. I know it will mostly depend on him and his wife.
Yep, and on you, too! What do you want? What do you need? Giving sage advice on poly is so hard because people are so different in what comes to their needs and expectations. Some people are perfectly happy having a primary LDR where they get to see their love once or twice a year. Me, I would go batshit crazy. I don't even sleep very well on my own. So on my list of 'secondary' needs would be that I need a sleeping buddy during stay-overs, be it a man, a woman, a child or the family pet. Another thing? I really really like to brush my teeth twice or thrice a day. Forgetting to bring my toothbrush is a MAJOR issue for me. So there needs to be space for my toothbrush in their bathroom that is always there waiting for me, ready for some real scrubbing action!
So it can be something really trivial and silly like that, or something deep and profound, or anything in between. Only you can be the judge of that. None of the above would apply, of course, if I would never go to their place for sleepovers. A good way to start would be to imagine how many nights/days per week you would ideally want to spend with your new squeeze, and figure where would it be, and what would you do.