I think cheating can be addictive if the person has got away with it over and over again. It becomes a way of being, a track in the mind that is not easily changed. If a cheater wants to change, it still is difficult because of the old self talk that says that they have to lie to get what they need. Getting over the lying is the most difficult I think... it can be really hard to discover that a partner wants radical honesty.
I think some people who cheat find it easier. It's all about them and their needs. Once the person they are cheating with decides that they are attached, then they are let go. There would be no need to be ceremonial about it, because no one knows. The person would be shit out of luck in terms of being consoled and treated with any kind of consideration.
I have known some guys I have met when I was dating thought poly or open relationships were laughable. I don't know what that was about, but it was almost as if they thought I was naive about it and that it was impossible to create harmony between fuck partners. Almost as if cheating is so common that why bother trying to create something that is more ethical. Cheating is part of being married kind of thing.
I noticed that some cheaters have a certain out look on life and were of a certain mind set that was selfish,self centered; there seems to be a certain inability to empathize or consider anyone else but themselves. I found that I had nothing in common at all... my life is so geared around being empathetic that I just found anyone who cheats to be so far from that that I had no respect and couldn't be bothered with giving them the time of day. Once empathy is discovered I don't think there is any choice but to be compelled to make a change... be single or work on not cheating maybe?
I would purposely stay on dating sites to give men shit when they wrote that they were cheating... it got tiring
now I am more patient because I have seen people come around and make huge efforts to change their brains pattern. I do believe that cheaters can change.
Ya, I think that its really up to the person if they get tired of the drama and want to live more ethically... as if poly is not full of drama
or they are so new to cheating that it hasn't set in that they can be deceptive for a long period of time and not get caught.