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Old 04-25-2011, 04:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Hah, you forget at least one other possible alliance - the one between who is most in the throes of NRE at the moment, which could be either you and the new girl or your wife and the new girl.
Boy, it'd be hard to say who that would be, at this point. We've all got it pretty bad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
One important thing is to remember that 'If you didn't hear it from them, you didn't hear it from anyone'. People, especially people in NRE, have a tendency to hear what they want to hear. So don't rely on information that has been relayed to your through an intermediary. Although three-way communication can be a wonderful asset in a relationship, especially if somebody involved is a bit shy and has a hard time being upfront about their feelings, it can create a whole host of problems.

Be wary of discussing relationship problems through an intermediary. So, if your wife has issues with New Girl, she should be talking to New Girl about them, not you. If asked, you can act as a facilitator to their conversation, but don't micromanage their relationship and never ever take sides!
That's good advice, it really is. I'm very much aware of the point, but maybe I don't take it to heart as much as I should. One complicating factor is that the New Girl and I, for reasons mostly related to our jobs, are very wired-in 21st-century communicators, which is to say we're totally on top of our email and text messages and so forth. My wife is your classic late-adopter type; she has a cell phone and reads email, you know, some, but it's not a priority for her. The result is that there's a communication channel between me and NG that my wife doesn't use, and as a result she sometimes gets left in the dust, communication-wise. This is not good, and while it's tempting (VERY tempting) to blame her for choosing to be a techno-peasant, it's really up to us cyber-whiz types to make sure she's included. So thanks for inspiring me to think consciously about that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
If in doubt, go Dutch (I mean affection-wise, not financially, although that needs to be talked about too! ). Don't freak out if some connections seem to happen faster and more intense than others - be prepared. Don't fall into playing the 'she got to cuddle you 20 mins and I only 15 last night' games - instead, think of how you could be more giving and how you could support their relationship. If you feel left out, talk about with something like 'I feel left out, I need more cuddling and reassurance' not like 'You are ignoring me, you are not meeting my needs'.
We're pretty clear on the point that there are three individual two-person relationships here. NG insisted on that right from the beginning, for one thing. My wife and I are both developing one-on-one relationships with her, and that's been going very well. No jealousy at all so far, no feeling left out. If it comes up, it's good to have been warned that it's something others have had to deal with, but it hasn't so far.

Thanks for the thoughts!
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