Thank you, I'm in some kind of need for those at the moment.
Today I was able to move a real step forward. My friend and I talked a lot after I got your responses and I encouraged him to go and see a counselor. (He gets medical treatment because of a health problem and has one "available" at the hospital.) She mentioned some really helpfull steps we should regard in this process and I think I will do as she suggested.
This means, we have to get our situation clear first. Because we have never really seen and been with each other, except for the daily talk, we need to meet once before making a decision now. There is some truth to this and I will start out with getting my feelings clear before confronting my husband. This goes for my friend as well, he is still unsure about how he would actually be able to act as he thinks he would on a completly theoretical basis.
What ever the outcome will be, I will still tell my husband everything. But I need to be clear about what I actually have to tell him. Fact up to now is that I am greatly confused about my own feelings. I am sure that I love them, but not how to handle it.
What has been mentioned before "You said that you are afraid to think what would have happened if your best friend had been around more. I take it to mean you think you would have cheated on your husband with him already if it wasn't for the distance between you two." was taken in a wrong way. I don't think (one can never be sure of course) that I would have cheated on him. I was never able to do even the smallest bit of this in any situation so far. This shouldn't change, it just isn't in my character. I meant that this whole mess would have happened earlier and I take that I would have been even less prepared for this at an earlier point in time.
We are going to be around each other on a everyday basis and see how the other and we ourselves will react. I will get started from that point onwards. Don't know if it's the best solution but it seems to be the one with the most practical setting and less confusing potential to me. And I as well as my friend will make sure to cross no boundaries in the process, that goes without saying. Not an easy but managable way of handling this in my opinion.
Thanks again for your concern and offered help. It helped me find a way through my inner jungle and think about the whole situation while taking a step backwards.