Sounds to me like some co-dependency issues coming up, big time. We've had them, too. It's ironic that being someone's "everything" used to seem so appealing to me, and now it seems overwhelming! We are struggling with the balance between intimacy and SPACE, in our marriage. Sometimes I feel very despairing, fearing that we are never going to get it right
But then we find ourselves doing ok. It's weird.
And trying to work poly around all the co-dependency stuff is EXTRA hard
Hang in there. I'm feeling for you.