I have two primaries that I love dearly. One is my husband and the father of my child. He is unique in other ways too.
Mono is my other primary (OP) and I am his Life Love (LiLo). I love him for other reasons but equally as much as my husband. Sometimes for the same reasons as my husband.
It ebbs and flows though. Sometimes I love one over the other and desire one over the other. Sometimes they both piss me off
(not often!) but I just go with the natural flow of it and don't think too much about it, rationalize or over analyze.
We have now given up on the primary secondary roles... or I have anyway, Mono probably feels differently in his black and white way of being
I just find them too black and white. They were helpful at the beginning when it all seemed so tentative and we were all unsure and fragile. Now they are more of a burden than anything to me. With the exception of my tersiary (he calls himself my fancy) who I don't consider of the same caliber as my two primary men. I love him also, but more on an intimate friendship level.