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Old 04-25-2011, 04:40 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Thanks everyone. Ya, I tend to go on and on on FB about the mundane and ordinary of life. I am such an open book really

This weekend I had a really fun night with Derby where we went dancing and watched a friend of mine get picked up. It made me sad.... end of story. I'm not even going there.

I enjoyed smooching with Derby the whole night but was a little fearful that it doesn't mean much. Stupid I know... which is why I haven't brought it up Derby, as I know you are reading this. I guess I figure that kissing is not a big deal to her and therefore doesn't mean much when we kiss, but I know that is stupid, so I try not to go there. To me it means a lot, that's all that matters. I don't just kiss anyone and neither does she, so I am good.... Still, I woke up uneasy for a bit...

I think part of my mood upon waking was because I was a clumsy ass that night. I fell and hurt my knee quite badly, did a whole bunch of other clumsy things throughout the day, including throwing dip at LB by mistake and clumsily talked about stuff too. Sometimes I should shut up and just be. Of course I don't do that and end up feeling the fool. Sometimes I shouldn't think so much as it leads to fear..... fear leads to feeling overly vulnerable and trusting... and so the cycle goes on and so I continue my self talk to get out of it.

Yesterday I went for a ride with Mono and his friends. That was the first time. Of course he didn't give me a ride. I was someone elses bitch yesterday I didn't mind, although I would much rather snuggle up to him than some guy that I don't know, who was obviously not entirely comfortable with me. It was okay though, he chatted and pointed stuff out along the way and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I can definitely see the appeal and how it could be a very bonding experience clinging on to the one you love, moving with the bike and working together against the wind and flow of it all.... whatever you call that.

Today we had the family over for Easter tea. Egg hunt in the house as it rained... LB thought the easter bunny came through the window, as it was open for a bit. He asked if I hide the eggs and I asked him what he thought, he said no. So I said it was up to him to decide what he thought happened... same response to santa this year..

We dyed eggs, had a wonderful Alice in wonderland tea that I baked for for hours last night and then my mum and I made our own hand cream (unrelated to easter). It was a fun afternoon... very relaxed and everything flowed naturally.

Mono and PN work so well together to get things done and make everything nice. I had planned it all and was the director of events and they followed my direction to a tee. I was pleased and appreciative of their support and ability to let me be the boss on this one. This happens often and I so love the manner in which they conduct themselves together when I ask for their help... sometimes its my turn to help and I try to do the same.

It all comes around, but more often than not, I am the one who arranges things and expects them to help out. They are so good about seeing how important family time is and being part of helping make it happen... it has meant a great deal to me that my parents can see that we are all happy and work well together. Mono hasn't been well the last few days and they can see that I am worried about him. My mum asked about that in front of PN and was concerned that someone I love is not well. It was a telling sign of where she is at and how much she now cares how we are doing... she supports our little family.

Off to watch a movie with Mono... PN danced up a storm last night and our date night was taken up by looking after LB. He slept in my bed and I in Mono's in Mono's part of the house..... PN had a last date with his part time boyfriend last night... he is moving across country and that will likely be that. He had a really good time and woke up happy and content that he had some time to say goodbye.

I wanted to post something on another thread that I wrote by way of remembering... its interesting how people perceive us when they don't know the whole story....
Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I like that people in our neighbourhood think Mono is our roommate/housemate. They kind of wonder why such an obviously attractive and available man would be single, but, meh, whatever, no one says anything so openly... just talk about us behind our back when they see us all outside doing the garden or something.

It was interesting the other day when Mono's buddies came over with their bikes to take me on a ride. They think its just me who lives there and that he is the tenant... they don't get why we don't live in the same part of the house and rent the suite This time they saw my husband in the window and I said he was looking after LB. They probably think he came over for the day or something... I dunno, don't care really. I'm fine with the mystery, by the time they know they will see that we are all good and happy and its normal to us.
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