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Old 04-25-2011, 04:01 AM
JenAgain JenAgain is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 89

I feel like things are continuing to get worse instead of better. I don't even think it's about poly anymore. I think poly was just the catalyst.

We had another big fight this weekend. Nothing poly related has gone on in about a month. The last time I saw J was when hubs sent him over after work. I've missed him, and I did say that I missed him, but I hadn't seen him and haven't been texting with him.

Friday was chatting with one of our friends, D, who also works with hubby and J, and lives on the street behind us. He was saying he didn't want to cook, so I asked hubby if we could invite him over for dinner, he said yes, so I did. D said that J was over, so I asked hubby if it was okay if he came too.. he said yes, so I told D that was fine.

They came over, ate, they all (Hubby, D and J) helped me highlight my hair by pulling it through the holes in the cap. Hubby got up and left at one point and was acting weird. I could tell he was uncomfortable, but didn't know why. Maybe because of J, but since D was there, we were all just being our usual selves.

AFter they left I asked him why he was uncomfortable and he said he didn't know, he didn't know how to act. I said that it was nice having the company over. Which led to what ended up being what the argument was over.

The guys had been talking about going out, and I asked hubs if he wanted to go out with them, and he said no, he just wanted to stay home and play video games. Okay. I said it would be nice if I could go out with my friends every now and then too. That I'm home every night pretty much by myself, and on the weekends we always do the same thing, not much. We usually do our own thing in the same room, or sometimes different rooms. I'll craft or sew, and he'll play games. Sometimes we watch a movie, or do whatever on our respective computers. Which is fine, it's what we've always done, and I'm comfortable with that. But sometimes it would also be nice to get out and socialize with friends... enjoy life.. maybe run into some stars (lots of big ones in our area lately, ha).

He said well the weekends are when he gets to spend time with me. Well, what the heck. I already cut back on work so I wouldn't have to run so many errands during the week so I could spend more time at home. I stay up most nights and wait for him to get off work so we can see each other for a bit. He said that during the week it isn't the same.

So, what does that all mean? Am I suppose to stay at home 24/7 and not have friends over, or get to go out? I can understand having a fear of poly, but I have never done anything that would cause me not to be trustworthy. Friends that would come over during the week are typically male, that are also his friends, because most of my female friends are married and spending time with their husbands who don't work swing shift. He's not comfortable with that, but at the same time when he's home on the weekend evenings that's HIS time so I cant ever go out then either? I'm not talking about EVERY weekend, or EVERY night, just occasionally. I'd like to be able to go out with my derby girls, or even maybe go out with the guys that are our FRIENDS if they don't mind me tagging along. Is that so much to ask? Am I wrong for wanting to have some socialization now that I actually know people?

He does give me "free time" during the day when the kids are awake. To be able to run errands kid free, or go skate or something. Which is nice, and do appreciate that. But I'm still alone. Like today, I skated 9 miles, went to starbucks and had a frapp by myself, went to a couple of stores to get some random stuff we needed. It was nice to get out, but it's still lonely.

It's not like I don't like hanging out with hubs either. I do, but sometimes I need a change of pace, get out and have some fun. He might find video games relaxing and fun, and I like watching him play, but that's not what does it for me.

I feel like everything is getting blamed on Poly, but after this weekend, I think there is something else that needs working on. I will have to bring it up to our counselor this week.
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