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Old 04-24-2011, 09:38 PM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 516

Before people accuse me of NOT doing it, let me assure you that I HAVE read through the whole of this thread before adding my 2p. However, I choose to quote from the very first 2 posts:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
Seriiously, folks. I keep seeing references to some supposed poly "lifestyle" and I simply don't understand it. The only thing polyfolk can expect to have in common with other polyfolk is that they engage in multiple romantic relationships. That's it.

I have to wonder what sort of things I'd have to be doing to qualify for this "lifestyle" that keeps getting mentioned. Attend potlucks every second Thursday evening? Attend an annual Many Partners Ball? Buy a pair of assless chaps for parades? Join a fundamentalist religious cult?
One can have multiple relationships while living in a small rural town or in the 'burbs or in a city. One can have two or three or twelve partners. One can travel far and wide regularly or one can stay at home. One can dress in the latest styles or old jeans and a t shirt. One can ride motorcycles or race hot rods or eschew motor vehicles for a favorite bicycle.
Tell me something: Is "dressing in the latest styles" a lifestyle, as far as you're concerned? Is "riding motorcycles"? Is "living in a small rural town"?

Just WHAT - AFAYC - constitutes a "lifestyle"?
Whether or not I live in a small rural town or not, whether I dress in the latest styles or not, whether I ride motorcycles or not... NONE of these questions are as important to me as whether I choose to live my life in such a way that I REFUSE to limit another person A's freedom to love WHOMEVER they want, B+C+D... (whether I am personally emotionally involved with A or not, whether I think that B is an absolute arsehole or not). I also REFUSE to allow A - or B,C,D... - the power over me to tell me whom I'm allowed to love.

That's a fundamental question for me - the freedom to love whomever (and however many) one wants. I allow that freedom. I demand that freedom for myself. I live my life according to those principles.

Seems like a pretty good candidate for being called a lifestyle to me.

A lifestyle DOESN'T mean that every single member who follows it has to be exactly like every other, or do everything that every other member does. A "small rural town" lifestyle doesn't OBLIGE you to watch Andy Griffith re-runs every night.

So wear your religious-cult-approved arseless chaps to your bi-monthly potlucks... or not. It's all (as the Germans would say) Scheiss Egal to me. Polyamory isn't.
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
According to "the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group."

From my trusty ol' American Heritage dictionary: "A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes or values of a person or group."
A concept doesn't have to match up with every single word in a dictionary definition to qualify for acceptance as a valid example of the word being defined.

Sorry, nycindie, but you're messing here with Mister Pedant Man "CHANG!!! KAPOW!!!" Let's rip apart your first definition: "the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group." Notice that word "attitudes"? Would you agree that not EVERYBODY of a randomly-chosen (non-poly) "lifestyle" HAS to have the same "economic level" to qualify? How about "tastes"? Does the fact that I can't stand the colour green disqualify me from a hippy lifestyle? My ATTITUDE towards the freedom of loving whom (and however many) one chooses to, added to the fact that I put my principles into practice, allows me to talk about my "polyamorous lifestyle". (I believe that this attitude is shared by most sincerely polyamorous people. Hence a possible common "polyamory lifestyle".)

On to your 2nd chosen definition: "A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes or values of a person or group." Let me draw your attention to that little word "or". It's used 3 times. So if I state that my polyamory is "A way of life [...] that reflects the attitudes [...] of a person (me) [...]" [not to mention my values], how can you argue with my saying that - for me - polyamory is a lifestyle? You wanna argue with Mister Pedant Man AND your "trusty ol' American Heritage dictionary"???
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson

Last edited by MrFarFromRight; 04-24-2011 at 11:21 PM. Reason: grammatical correction and clarification
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