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Old 09-28-2009, 11:29 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Originally Posted by Midnight View Post
It may be very useful to you to find out what is triggering your feelings of jealousy, so that those root causes can be addressed.. For instance, if insecurity is the underlying cause, you and your others could work on ways to help you feel secure, safe and supported in your relationships, which should reduce the jealousy.

A question about this please!

What I'm noticing is I don't doubt B's love for me. I'm very clear that he loves me. I'm sure insecurity is an important aspect of it. Almost feel 'lesser' cos I don't fall in love with others myself. I actually suspect there's envy in there for me - i.e. I find it a bit unbearable to think of him loving someone else, when I'm not interested in that - I wanna have some of that for myself (except that I dont). I also seem to be attached to the exclusivity of our love. Don't like the feeling of that leaching out to anyone else. Have the same feeling about sex - it's a sacred union - it's exclusive which is what for me makes it sacred.... (luckily he's not challenging me on that one - seems mono himself when it comes to sex)

Any suggestions for how I get to a deeper understanding of the issues around my jealousy, and how I get support from him/them in that?
When you find yourself experiencing jealousy, take a minute to ask your self why? Be honest with yourself, and trust your gut. You've already identified much about it, in this post. You feel "lesser" (which is a threat to your self-esteem). You feel envious, which indicates you feel you may be missing out on something. You may be conflicted (you want some of that, except that you don't). All of these are issues that can be addressed, and as you look deeper into what you're experiencing you may find more.

How can you get him/them to support you in resolving the deeper issues behind the jealousy? Recognizing that the work to be done is primarily yours, because the feelings are yours, you can talk to them about how you feel, and ask them to help. For instance, as you work on the self-esteem issue, you can ask him/them for reassurance of your worth and value to him/them. You can talk to him/them about what you are envious of, and explore those conflcted feelings. Really, talk and talk and talk some more. It helps.

I'm sure there are other, wiser poly-folk on the forum who can give better advice, but there's a place to start.
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