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Old 04-24-2011, 06:01 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Hullo and welcome!

I have a lot of questions on your situation, so apologies beforehand for the long post!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
I emailed her a few times back and forth under the premise of being him and once I felt she could be a good match, I told him and forwarded the info so he could continue the conversation.
Hmm, this is a big red flag for me. Pretending to be someone on-line that you are not puts me off something fierce. Does she know of the trick you two pulled on her? Why can't he take care of making sure somebody is a good match by himself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
I flipped my lid and told him how disrespectful I thought it was. He told me that I'm just going to expect him to not talk to her at all at night.
And yet, I gather this was not what you wanted to say. A very common technique in arguments like this is to say your partner is demanding something unreasonable, which puts them in a defensive position. I think you came up with a decent response.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
I just feel it's completely disrespectful and that she's intruding into our time together, even if it's just text. I'm feeling too much of a presence already in that regard and I don't like it at all.
Texts don't demand an answer. Calling continuously would be intrusive. The problem is at your bf's end, and is most likely to do with NRE, as RP already pointed out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
If this is just friendship and sex, what's the big deal? I think I may be worried that he might fall or her or him for her though I've been reassured 101 times by him that he's not going to do that or throw away what we have and that their connection cannot come close to ours...
Ah, but the thing is, that is a promise he really can't keep, I fear. The whole expression 'to fall for sb' implies that it is not something you plan for. Trying to manage his emotions and put limits on what he can and can't feel is a fail-proof method of creating heartbreak and misery IMHO.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
Now this is something I have NO control over aside from groundrules I laid out (he thinks I went a tad overboard on the boundaries and says he wouldn't ask half of what I am) and not "knowing" everything is bothering me. I feel left out. How am I going to deal with this once he does start seeing her weekly?
Probably like shite, if the three of you won't start addressing these issue well beforehand. The idea that you can actually control anyone else's actions but your own is a dangerous illusion. Let go of it now - trust me, you'll feel much lighter afterwards.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
...he was NOT cool with that. Demanding to know why I needed to? What questions could I possibly have for her that he hasn't answered?
Hmm, a tad defensive he seems to me. What does he have to hide?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
I trust him, but I don't trust her potential feelings or motives because I don't know her. This not knowing her is getting to me, I know it. Why do I desire to know her so bad? Is it to assert my place? I don't want to come off as a bitch and I want them to have fun, but I want her to know that's all it is and all it can be. He says they've already talked about that and that's all she wants. No love or anything.
You answered your own question. You are scared beyond belief that your bf might cultivate a romantic relationship with someone else than you, and you want to make sure this woman knows whose the alpha female of the pack.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
I don't know why he is so reluctant. He says it's just weird to him. Says he wouldn't want to meet or know any of my partners, sure he'd have questions or would want to know about them, but as far as meeting them, no...he has no interest he says and doesn't feel it's necessary for me either. Says he doesn't think I would like her for the sheer fact of what she is doing.
He's not you and you are not him. Moot point. This is a MAJOR red flag for me - why is he so scared to let the two of you meet?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
The more he tells me he doesn't want me to meet her, the more uncomfortable I am, so I guess I should just drop it
That is a good sign that you should definitely NOT drop it, because the more you let it fester, the bigger hurdle it will become.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
Is it odd for me to go out with him tomorrow when my bf is meeting his potential secondary? Or should I choose another night?
Actually, most folks think of something to do while their partners are out on dates. Meet up with friends, go to the movies/theater/concert, engage in a hobby etc. It might be a good idea to be around other people.

Sorry if I sound a bit blunt, I do think there is potential in here but just worried about a lot of stuff you wrote.

Courage!
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