View Single Post
  #4  
Old 04-24-2011, 05:46 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,176
Default

I think you are handling it pretty well. I understand both sides. You need the honesty and full disclosure; she was unsure of how much you really could handle knowing, was afraid of your reaction, and wanted to give you the information in a way she thought would be gentler. I think, although she was dishonest, she was really trying to protect you.

It sounds like you both have a strong basis for moving forward, and I think reassuring her with how much you love her and that you will stick by her as long as she is forthright and open with telling you things, is a good way to go.

As for wondering about whether or not she has lied or had sex before, since you're all getting everything out in the open now and going to therapy, why not ask her? Or at least tell her that is a concern of hers. You want completely honest communication, don't let your fears over what the answer might be allow for something to get pushed away back into the dark. Keep shedding light on everything , with love and respect -- as it seems you have been doing -- and you will be fine.

And yes, working on trust issues is something you need to do for yourself, but she has to know just how important the honesty is to you. Though it may seem very difficult now, I believe that, with practice, it will become second nature for both of you to be able to reveal everything to each other.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-24-2011 at 05:48 PM.
Reply With Quote