Thanks, LR, I'm definitely trying. I feel like I'm making real progress these days. Rather than just talking myself in circles. My current therapist has been really helpful in putting me on a path towards self-sufficiency.
@ SN - I really like your idea, unfortunately, I only have texting on my Ipod touch, so unless I've got a wireless network, I can't access it. Luckily, I did okay without it this time.
Thanks BlackUnicorn! I have lots of cool dreams and they tend to read like little mini short stories. I like your rules about first dates. If I were in a better financial situation, I might consider instituting that for myself. Sounds like it eliminates some of the negative situations that can arise. I've also worked with my therapist this last week on channeling the part of me that can say no and stick up for what's good for me.
So, this weekend went better than I thought it might overall. On Friday I went to a Global Health conference. It was pretty fabulous and I definitely learned a lot. Awkwardly, my ex's wife's brother's girlfriend's brother showed up. And he always hits on me. But oh well.
Then, I had a coffee meet-up schedule with someone from the BDSM scene. I really enjoyed hanging out with him. We had beverages, then went on a walk, then went for food. After we get to know each other a bit more, I think we could make excellent play partners. He was really great about moving at a normal pace. Seemed to value getting to know me as a person before attempting to be like let's go do this or that.
Saturday morning was the definite low point of the weekend. There was a belt test for two of my friends and I decided to go. Of course, O was there. Two of my friends that know were there as well, so I was glad to have them on hand. O and I just didn't interact but it was really, really hard to see him. I had to get up and leave the room for part of the test. Then, after the test was over, I almost lost it in front of every one, so I left the room again and when I came back, Connor took me home. Then I had a test to take but I was alternating between reading the material and sobbing hysterically, so it was an interesting afternoon. By the end of that, I was feeling pretty drained and grumpy.
Then, I had my date with T. I really wasn't feeling it before he came to pick me up. We went for sushi and we had a decent time. I cheered up a bit. Then, we decided to go to a movie. It was one on my list I'd wanted to see, Hanna. Then, we just hung out and talked for a bit. He was very gentlemanly and it felt nice to go on a date, have some one pay for it and not feel like I needed to whore myself out to make up for it. I ended up having a perfectly nice time. It was laid back and fun.
Today is Easter, so Happy Easter to all who celebrate it. I'll be going to church, then Connor is having a dinner. I also have a paper to write, eek!
I can't wait until I'm done with finals. It'll be such a relief.