Ok, excuse me if this post is pretty selfish or immature, but I need to work through these feelings I am having right now and you guys seems to be great at helping with that.
Last year, when he canceled and we finally worked things out, the agreement WAS to put things on hold until his child was a little older, his wife was feeling more secure, and he had the time to bring me back into his life. I don't think he was very straight with me at that time. He specifically said there was NO WAY for him to get away, and that when he could he'd come to see me. The earliest would be say June. Then he went on this concert.
I expressed my hurt feelings, but I didn't make a big deal about it. I just said I wouldn't go to the concert, and that he should still come and see me when he could. The stress of traveling and finding sitters willing to stay with my mom just seemed too much, especially when I was questioning how much this guy was actually committed to me.
But he kept asking and I decided to go. And here I am having the exact same feelings I had when he canceled his visit last year.
Also, the situation with my mom changed. Instead of her maybe living on for years, giving him enough time to meet her, she's dying now. And yeah, I'm struggling to accept that he'll never meet her. That's another reason I'm so hung up on this.
I'm still waiting to talk to him about this today, so I need to put my fucking brain on hold until then.