Originally Posted by Nyx
What remains to be worked out is this other woman with whom he had a date - apparently her other bf is really jealous too and reacted very strongly when he found out about the intimacy.
Wow. A lot happened this weekend regarding all this! First off, the bf (M) of gf#1 (L) apparently did NOT know about the extent of the intimacy because she did not tell him like we all thought she had. A lot of mess happened with that, anger and fighting (as you can well imagine) on their end.
So now, there has been a lot of doors opening and I actually emailed L and gf#2 and I feel like I am so enlightened! It's amazing how my imagination had been filling in the blanks - when I finally connected with these girls (which I had been avoiding like the plague, living in total denial) and heard about the situation from everyone else's perspective (not just Nick's) I realized that reality was far different from what I thought it was.
M (the other bf) and I have been having lovely conversations and he and I feel so similar about the whole thing, it's been really great to have someone who understands. I wrote a very long email to all involved and talked about what I would like to see happen as far as communication, 100% honesty, and safety during sex. Unfortunately M said that L was angered by it. I haven't talked to her about it yet, but Nick was in agreement for the most part.
It is a major breakthrough to have all this communication happening all of a sudden. And, although obviously there is a serious issue here what with L's deception, I think for me I feel way more relaxed being In The Know. Whatever comes of this situation, even if I have to walk away because it doesn't feel safe, I am so glad I have experienced this as it has been a major lesson learned about how my imagination runs wild and my reactions to those imaginings can really screw things up.
I feel like if we could all get to a point where we all are friends and respect each other things could really be great. I already feel very connected with M, we haven't met in person yet but I just feel like we have bared our souls to each other over the last few days. L has said she thinks we could be great friends and wants that to happen.
It's like the terror and insecurity and anger I have been feeling has just melted away. I feel love for these people, I feel tenderness towards them. I realize they are not things to fear, they are not taking anything from me, and in fact, have a lot to give. This, I am learning, is the beauty of polyamory at work.
I just wanted to share this major event. Even though it occurred because of dishonesty, I really feel like it split everyone open and was the catalyst for these lines of communication to begin.