Oh boy, another question from Lemondrop. Yay! (I'm really sorry, and if this isn't appropriate let me know and I'll delete the post.)
I need the advice of someone experienced with BDSM.
So, in case anyone doesn't know, I'm in a quad comprised of myself, my husband, and another couple. Wife #2 is into BDSM. I want to be open-minded and help her get her needs met, but I have a childhood history of various types of abuse. I thought I had dealt with it, but I'm having some problems with it now. When I found out the other night that my husband has been choking her--with her consent--I tried to stay calm, but I was a mess. I didn't feel safe around him even though he's NEVER harmed me or tried anything I didn't like. Just for the record, there are enough reasonable arguments against choking that they had pretty much decided to stop before I asked them to.
Now I'm worried. I'm afraid of coming around a corner and finding them doing something that I'll find distressing. So is this the kind of thing that I'll get used to? Could this be a situation that therapy would help? I just don't know a darn thing about BDSM. Would it be reasonable to ask them to stop the BDSM until the relationship is a little older, and I might feel safer?