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Old 09-28-2009, 04:43 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Hi. I live in Alaska. You can call me Loving Radiance or LR which is what I go by online. I'm 34 years old.

I've been married to my husband for 10 years. My oldest turned 18 today, his son is 13 and we have a 9 yr old and a 2 yr old who is biologically my (male) best friends child with me-via sperm donation.

I've known I was poly as long as I can recall-I never dated without a "fwb" on the side as a teen. It caused a lot of problems and complications at times.
I am also bi-and I've known that since my late teens.

I had one long term relationship (monogomous) with a woman and have never met a woman who could live up to that memory since. I have no contact with her-but still dream of her regularly and believe myself to be in love with who she was when I knew her (I would hope she's grown in the 14 years since we were together and isn't the same person I fell in love with then, but who knows).

My last relationship prior to marriage was an open relationship that worked fairly well except I had a child and he simply wasn't interested in being responsible (financially) for himself much less as a team with me.

Marriage with M has been fraught with issues. We love each other deeply, but he has a lot of deep seeded pain that affects his relationships and I have a bad tendency to lose myself in an attempt to "care for" someone else's issues.

Early on in the marriage we had major issues with his ex-wife that resulted in a complete breakdown of our marriage and friendship. I had an affair. We took about a year living apart, doing counseling, working on ourselves to try to get things straightened out.

We've discussed 3 somes with other people. I'm a fairly confident person and when an opportunity arose and hubby propositioned me for THAT NIGHT-I readily agreed because I knew he'd never done that before (I have a number of times before I was married) and it went well. The aftermath wasn't cool however because her boyfriend (who lived on the other side of the country literally) decided he wanted "his turn" and I wasn't interested nor was M.

As with many things-we solved SOME of the issues and then stopped working on it becuase it "seemed" so much better already.

More recently (in the last year) it's been made evident to me that I simply can't pretend to be something I am not. I've started working out (I have lost 60 lbs and have 6 to go), gone pescatarian (still eat seafood) with no dairy/eggs, and let hubby know that I AM poly and for me to be TRULY happy and comfortable and fulfilled I require a poly relationship.

This has been very trying for him as he doesn't handle change well in the first place. But he knows that I do need to get "back on track with me" in order to get my depression issues under control (much better since I started working on this).

He is insecure about the poly thing. He's terrified of "ending up alone" and/or being replaced. Neither of which would ever happen intentionally on my part. Can't say I won't get hit by a car and die (thus leaving him alone) but I won't just leave. Even if he decides that what I need to be happy he can't handle and we divorce, I would easily be friends with him. This is something that he has come to udnerstand is simply my personality and accepts as truth which seems to help SOME of his insecurity issues.

We're in counseling for communication because we struggle with that. His insecurities lead to some hair raising conversations at times but he's working his butt off to learn better communication skills and I'm unbelievably proud of his commitment and devotion to that.

My best friend C is the other man I am in love with and currently we function as a V. I don't imagine that it will ever be a triad, as neither of them are bi and both tend to be mono's naturally. We do all live together and we share child-rearing and financial responsibility as a family. Everyone in our lives knows we're family-but none know we are in a poly relationship..... that's all for now!

Update:After much time on here talking and more reading-Maca decided that he was ok with "coming out" more. Now we are "out" with everyone but his brother, his exwife, his coworkers and GG's family (who we don't associate with anyway)! This is THRILLING for me.
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Last edited by LovingRadiance; 01-05-2010 at 02:34 AM. Reason: updating
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