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Old 04-24-2011, 12:37 AM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I was just like "that's totally cool, no worries at all, whatever you need." [...] I just wish she could see that I'm being strong... maybe then she'd trust me enough to let me be there with her.
Annabel, keep this in mind: Gia really doesn´t want anybody not totally necessary there. Hasn´t she told you that - in a way - she´d rather that Eric weren´t there... but that she feels that she... [how to express this?: owes it to him? can´t very well deny him his right to be there?]

We all sometimes do things against our real wishes out of feelings of obligation.

Let me share one more story from my first adventure in home births (aside from being born at home myself): In the preparation group, each couple was encouraged to invite the couple whose child was due after them. [This was so that each couple would get to witness a live home birth, to get used to the process BEFORE they had to deal with it in starring roles.] The couple due just before my friend said: "Good idea in theory, but with our first child it was a big party. This time we´d like a more intimate affair, so sorry..."

The couple 2 births before my friend´s birthing invited her (and me) to theirs.
Both his and her mother were also there and the mother-to-be asked him to send his mother (or both) away. [She didn´t mind her own mother being there, but her mother-in-law´s presence was making her tense.]

He didn´t have the strength of character to tell his mother to go... his wife continued to be tense... and ended up having a caesarian in hospital and a stressed new-born. (The only "failed" home birth in our group.)

Personally, I think that you should be glad that Gia "trusts you enough" to tell you straight that she´d be more relaxed without your presence. It´s not a personal slight to you (see Loving Radiance' most recent post): she´d be more tense the more people who were there whoever they were (including - apparently - Eric).

I'm sorry if I made you jealous with my own experience of attendance at births. (That wasn't my intention.) But I'll tell you this: I have (for 2 different reasons) lost all contact with all 3 children involved - my ex-girlfriend's son, the girl who was born after my contractions, and her elder sister [and with their parents]. The 2 I saw born have recently turned 28. I haven't seen them since they were 8. I would willingly trade all my memories of those 2 home births for the chance to be their friend today.

Be a good friend to Gia and Eric's child and you won't mind so much missing the birth.
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