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Old 04-24-2011, 12:37 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I was just like "that's totally cool, no worries at all, whatever you need." [...] I just wish she could see that I'm being strong... maybe then she'd trust me enough to let me be there with her.
Annabel, keep this in mind: Gia really doesnīt want anybody not totally necessary there. Hasnīt she told you that - in a way - sheīd rather that Eric werenīt there... but that she feels that she... [how to express this?: owes it to him? canīt very well deny him his right to be there?]

We all sometimes do things against our real wishes out of feelings of obligation.

Let me share one more story from my first adventure in home births (aside from being born at home myself): In the preparation group, each couple was encouraged to invite the couple whose child was due after them. [This was so that each couple would get to witness a live home birth, to get used to the process BEFORE they had to deal with it in starring roles.] The couple due just before my friend said: "Good idea in theory, but with our first child it was a big party. This time weīd like a more intimate affair, so sorry..."

The couple 2 births before my friendīs birthing invited her (and me) to theirs.
Both his and her mother were also there and the mother-to-be asked him to send his mother (or both) away. [She didnīt mind her own mother being there, but her mother-in-lawīs presence was making her tense.]

He didnīt have the strength of character to tell his mother to go... his wife continued to be tense... and ended up having a caesarian in hospital and a stressed new-born. (The only "failed" home birth in our group.)

Personally, I think that you should be glad that Gia "trusts you enough" to tell you straight that sheīd be more relaxed without your presence. Itīs not a personal slight to you (see Loving Radiance' most recent post): sheīd be more tense the more people who were there whoever they were (including - apparently - Eric).

I'm sorry if I made you jealous with my own experience of attendance at births. (That wasn't my intention.) But I'll tell you this: I have (for 2 different reasons) lost all contact with all 3 children involved - my ex-girlfriend's son, the girl who was born after my contractions, and her elder sister [and with their parents]. The 2 I saw born have recently turned 28. I haven't seen them since they were 8. I would willingly trade all my memories of those 2 home births for the chance to be their friend today.

Be a good friend to Gia and Eric's child and you won't mind so much missing the birth.
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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