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Old 04-22-2011, 08:00 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Oaks View Post
I don't feel that he is poly in nature, but saw an opportunity to "hook up" with a girl who claims that her boyfriend doesn't mind. She claims to have been upfront with himabout me and her dedication to me as her partner. (Yet she has yet to talk to him about the nature of my other metamours, her other loves, in her life.) He has told her that he doesn't like it when she talks about me when she is with him.
The sentences I bolded are red flags for me in what you wrote. It sounds like you are doubting your partner a bit as well. That doesn't mean she is lying to you, but perhaps NRE or this guy's energy is creating some sort of negative influence on her, and she is acquiescing to a perceived need he has to feel like he's the only one in her life. Or maybe it seems that way to you from whatever she has told you about the situation. I think you should always honor your gut feelings, and use this meeting as an opportunity to express your doubts. Ask him directly if he "saw an opportunity to "hook up" with a girl who claims that her boyfriend doesn't mind." Point blank tell him you are in her life and what you both mean to each other. I also think she definitely needs to come clean to him about every involvement she has. Otherwise, it could become a messy situation if he gets his hopes up or really is a cowboy.

There is a very new guy in my life who doesn't want to hear anything about my other involvements and I have had to insist on telling him. I made him listen to me. It isn't fair or worth the drama if anything is left covered up and unspoken.

Good luck and keep us posted.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-22-2011 at 08:05 PM.
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