Originally Posted by lovemultiplied
My husbad and I have been having a debate and I wanted to put it out there....
When you're looking for other people to "date" or "form relationships with," do you feel that there's a difference between being with other people who have their own "primary" or are "stray singles" okay?
I suspect you'll find that there's more of a comfort level - and maybe even success record of secondaries that have their own primary relationship.
There's a couple obvious reasons for this that I think others have mentioned - or at least danced around.
1> There's less risk of the new secondary becoming too needy or demanding because they have their own lives to manage. Not that it can't happen but odds are more against it.
2> In situations where there are insecurities in the primary relationship, the idea that the secondary has their own primary seems to move the threat bar down a couple notches. If the secondary is single that ol competitive urge seems to surface more. Which is almost funny because in reality it's not any more likely to change the dynamic but our brain doesn't seem to get that