View Single Post
  #7  
Old 04-22-2011, 08:49 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,422
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quaternary View Post
Unfortunately, never seeing Sigma at all is not a very realistic option . . .
I don't think that anyone who said to ignore her meant to hide out and avoid going where she goes. They meant ignore her.


You can still go to these places but your owe her nothing. Trying to adjust your life to accommodate her nastiness means she's already won. It's difficult, but you can just simply go about your business with head held high, knowing you didn't do anything wrong, and just don't even give her the time of day. She sounds like someone who is mentally unstable. Cultivate your own friendships and interests, and forget about her tantrums.

Ever go to a restaurant with someone and get annoyed by some loud person sitting at another table nearby? You can't even concentrate on your conversation because they're so loud and obnoxious, right? You're ready to throw something at them. But eventually, you pay attention to the person across from you because they're more important. You're involved in selecting your meal, you enjoy the food, the conversation. You engage in the things and people that matter, and live in the moment. At some point, you look over toward that other table and discover, much to your surprise, that those obnoxious people left a long time ago, someone else is sitting there, and you didn't even notice them leave! Something that you thought you just couldn't get past didn't affect you because you paid it no mind and, instead, redirected your focus.

DON'T let her idiocy eat at you and create such anxiety for you, even in your private moments. There's a saying, "why let someone live rent-free inside your head?" Now, I don't mean you should outright snub her, just don't pay her any credence. If she sees she has an effect on you, she feels some small (lame) victory at your expense. Why should her not acknowledging you as Rho's wife have any bearing on your life? You are his wife. You don't need her to acknowledge that, you've got the relationship and piece of paper. If she has a husband, and yet insists on living in such a stupid, childish, and nasty fantasy, well, maybe she needs some serious psychological help and Rho should examine whether or not he really wants someone like that in his life. As for you, just train yourself to redirect your focus. It does work!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-22-2011 at 09:01 AM.
Reply With Quote